Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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