We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and she was petting her beer can
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
