dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
