...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
