while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
