she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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