oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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