these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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