you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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