The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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