the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
