even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
