the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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