I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
