turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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