I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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