Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
