I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
