have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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