Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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