I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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