Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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