I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i permit you to call me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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