There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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