When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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