Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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