There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
