So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Damn victory sex feels great
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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