god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
