he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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