meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
