it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
