Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
