How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
