We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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