You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
