let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
