i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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