Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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