This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
