Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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