Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
