I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
