We're facebook friends in real life
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
