What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
