I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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