why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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