He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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