The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
