Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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