a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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