Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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