TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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