is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
