if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
