cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
