Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
