i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
