The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
