Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
