so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
