Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
