It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
