you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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