nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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