guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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