Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
