make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
