Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
