i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
