put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
