You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
