we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
