kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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