I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
