Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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