just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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